What Oprah's Viral "Kiss Cam" Interview Taught Me About Divorce & Judgment

Recently, I listened to an episode of Oprah’s podcast that’s been hard to shake.

Oprah interviewed Kristin Cabot, the woman who was caught on a “kiss cam” at a Coldplay concert—arms around her boss, who also happened to be the CEO of her company. The clip went viral. Not just viral—300 billion views viral.

And while I’m not proud to admit it, like so many others, I made an assumption about what was happening by the way they reacted.

But in her only live interview, Kristin explained that they were both separated, and the situation was more complicated than a 15-second clip could possibly capture.

And yet… the reaction didn’t change.

If anything, it intensified in the days and weeks following the show.

The Part That Stopped Me

In listening to Kristin, what struck me wasn’t the event itself.

It was the response from the world - and from women in particular - to those 15 seconds.

The level of anger seems entirely disproportionate to the event. Many people reacted as if she had been caught with their spouse. It seemed there was some unspoken, world-wide agreement that she deserved to be punished.

She received death threats.
Her kids were harassed.
Women approached her in public—aggressively.

And this is something I keep coming back to. Kristin said, “I was told that 90% of the online comments and hate came from women. And every single interaction I had in person, and there were many, were all women.”

What Does That Say About Us?

Why are we so quick to go after each other?

Why do we fill in the blanks with the harshest possible version of the story?

Why was the narrative so quickly: “She slept her way to the top.”

And why didn’t those same assumptions land the same way on him?

It’s easy to believe we’re reacting to what happened.

But we’re often reacting to something much closer to home.

For a lot of people, this story likely hit a nerve:

• Past experiences with infidelity
• Betrayal they haven’t fully processed
• Anger they haven’t had a place to put
• Frustration about the “unfairness” of a situation

So when a moment like this shows up, it becomes easy to make Kristin, or anyone else, a target of our unresolved emotion. This is a huge reason why I started Better Than Before Divorce: to help others steady and process their emotions.

What Assumptions Are We Making?

You may remember that I often cite The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and one I remind myself about more often than I’d like to admit is this one: Don’t make assumptions. 

Simple. But definitely not easy. Because assumptions let us feel certain in situations where we don’t actually have the full picture.

They give us a sense of control.

But they also distort reality—and often lead us to respond in ways we don’t feel good about later.

And if you’re going through divorce, you’ve likely experienced this firsthand.

People making assumptions about your situation, or your choices, or even about who you are. And chances are they don’t have the full story.

Why This Matters So Much During Divorce

If you’re in the middle of a difficult transition, this probably feels familiar.

That sense that:

• People are judging
• People are choosing sides
• People are filling in gaps with their own narratives

And sometimes… you start doing it to yourself.

“This must be my fault.”
“I should have handled this differently.”
“What are people thinking about me?”

This is where things can spiral.

But there’s opportunity in all of this to extend grace to others the same way we hope they will for us.

What safeguards can be put in place before we decide we know the full story?

Can we ask ourselves:

• What am I reacting to right now?
• Is this about this situation—or something else?
• How would I want to be treated if I were in a moment like this?

The Double Standard We Don’t Talk About

There’s also something else here worth naming, and that’s the way women show up for—or against—each other.

Because in this case, women were often the most aggressive.

Why?

Some possibilities worth considering:

• Internalized beliefs about how women “should” behave
• Competition instead of connection
• Fear of being judged ourselves, so we distance ourselves from anyone who might trigger that

But none of that leads to better outcomes.

What Would It Look Like to Do This Better?

No reaction has to be perfect, but what if, instead of reacting immediately, we paused?

What if we chose curiosity over certainty?

What if we led with:

“I don’t know the full story.”

Because most of the time—we don’t.

A Thought to Sit With

You don’t get to control what people assume about you, but you always get to decide how you respond.

And more importantly…we each get to decide how we want to show up in moments like this.

It’s almost always easier to judge, react, or join the crowd, but it’s also worth examining what’s beneath our rush to judgment and whether there’s another approach worth considering. 

If You’re in the Middle of Your Own Difficult Chapter

And you feel like people are watching, judging, or getting it wrong…

You’re not alone. Can you take that frustration and surprise another person, or maybe yourself, by extending grace or support in an unexpected moment? We’ve all seen how even a small gesture or smile can make a big difference.  

And hopefully, Kristin’s courage to speak up, and our subsequent choices, will create something meaningful from a situation that brought out the worst in so many.

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