Are You Using AI to Help You Navigate Divorce?

A lot of people are using AI to help with their divorce. I hear about it regularly — clients drafting messages with it, researching legal terms, asking for strategy on what to say next. Some find it genuinely useful. Others have gotten themselves into situations they wish they could undo.

I've been watching how people use it, and I want to share one way it actually helps, and one thing worth watching out for.

Try this: use AI to improve your co-parenting communication

There's an important benefit here that most people miss. Using AI to handle a difficult message requires you to step away from it first. You can't paste a text you're furious about into a prompt without pausing. That pause — the moment of disengagement — is often the most valuable part of the whole process, and you often don’t even realize it's happening.

From there, with the right prompt, AI can give you calm, information-focused response options that are hard to write when you're still activated.

Here's an example. Say you receive this:

I can't believe you let our child sleep in again and be late. This only happens when he's with you and I've reached out to the school to let them know this is what happens when he stays there and not with me.

Your first instinct might be something like:

Great, I'm glad you reached out to the school. I've reached out as well to remind them whose fault this whole thing is and why our son is having a hard time in the first place. Maybe you should focus more on worrying about what happens when he's with you instead of policing me.

That response feels satisfying for about 30 seconds. Then comes the regret.

Here's what came back when I asked AI for a BIFF Response® — Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm — a framework I reference often that was developed by Bill Eddy for high-conflict communication:

I hear you're concerned about the school schedule, but I'd ask that you please keep communications between us rather than involving the school in our parenting differences. I'm available to coordinate directly with you if there's a scheduling issue.

That's it. Direct, clear. No fuel on the fire.

Here’s another prompt worth keeping on hand. Try this one before you send a message you're not sure about:

Before I send this, can you tell me: does this response escalate anything, give away more than necessary, or leave me open to being misread? Don't rewrite it unless I ask — just flag anything I should consider.

Their message: [paste] My draft response: [paste]

What to Watch Out For: AI Is NOT a Legal Advisor

The decisions you make during divorce have real, lasting consequences — and AI doesn't know your state's laws, your judge, or the specifics of your situation. I've sat in on plenty of conversations where a client comes in confident about "advice" they got online, and their attorney has to spend time unwinding it.

AI can help you communicate more clearly and think through your options, but access to information isn't the same as knowing how to make it work for your situation. Having someone in your corner as you work through your day-to-day is often what makes the difference in how you're able to move forward. If you are wondering whether that kind of support would help you, I wrote more about what divorce coaching actually looks like and how to know when it might be useful.

I'd love to know how you're using AI!

I'm curious what's actually happening out there, so I put together a quick six-question survey — it takes about two minutes. I'll share what I find after gathering responses over the next week or so.

Take the survey here