Can You Maintain a Relationship With Your In-Laws?

After divorce, the relationship with your in-laws is probably complicated. You may still care deeply for them, especially if you’ve shared years of holidays, family events, or raised children together. Keeping some connection can feel meaningful, but it can also bring up old patterns and emotions that make it hard to know where to draw the line. The good news - deciding whether and how to continue the relationship is a decision you get to make.

When You Want to Stay Connected

If your relationship with your in-laws is generally positive, think about how you can keep the connection in a way that feels healthy. You can still check in, share updates about the kids, or keep certain traditions, especially when those interactions bring you comfort, not stress.

The key is to set clear expectations early. Let them know what feels appropriate, like communicating about the kids, or keeping conversations focused on other neutral topics. It helps everyone adjust to the new normal and prevents misunderstandings before they start.

When the Relationship Feels Strained

On the other hand, staying in touch with in-laws isn’t always easy or desired. You may still have contact because of shared family events or because they’re grandparents to your children, but the dynamic can shift quickly. If comments feel intrusive, critical, or manipulative, it’s time to protect your boundaries.

That might look like limiting conversations, shortening visits, or communicating only about the children. You don’t need to explain or defend your limits. Simple, steady boundaries, like not discussing your ex or your personal life, help maintain civility without reopening emotional wounds.

If conflict continues, consider using text or email to keep communication brief and factual. This keeps things clear, reduces emotional strain, and helps you stay grounded.

“No” is a complete sentence.” - Annie Lamott

What Do Healthy Boundaries Look Like?

Healthy boundaries are less about contro, or “rules,”l and more about clarity. They define how you’ll engage, what’s off-limits, and what you need to feel safe and respected.

Here are a few examples of healthy boundaries to consider:

• Keep communication focused. Stick to neutral topics like scheduling, events, or updates about the kids.
  
  
• Be consistent. Hold to your limits kindly but firmly. The more consistent you are, the easier it becomes for others to respect them.
  
  
• Decide what’s private. You don’t owe anyone updates about your personal life, finances, or dating. Anticipate what you do and don’t want to discuss in order to be prepared and more comfortable.
  
  
• Pause when you feel tense. If a conversation starts to feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to take a break or say you’ll continue later.
  
  
• Use neutral language. Phrases like “I’m not comfortable discussing that” or “Let’s keep the focus on the kids” work well.
  
  
• Set time limits for visits or calls. Structure can prevent emotional fatigue and make interactions more predictable.
  
  

Boundaries are ongoing conversations with yourself as much as with others. They may shift as relationships evolve, and that’s part of building something new that works for everyone involved.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Building New Balance

Relationships after divorce take time to redefine. Some in-laws will stay supportive and respectful, others may not. Give yourself permission to reassess along the way. The right balance will bring peace, not guilt.

If you’re navigating tricky family dynamics or need help creating healthy communication plans, divorce coaching can help. Together, we can outline boundaries that protect your emotional well-being while keeping what still matters most… stability, connection, and calm. Reach out to me today for a no-obligation, complimentary call!