How to Cope With the “Firsts” After Divorce (Holidays, Birthdays, Anniversaries)

There’s something uniquely hard about the “firsts” after divorce—the first birthday alone, the first holiday without the same table setup, the first anniversary that now feels like a strange reminder. Even if you’re feeling grounded most days, these moments can sneak up and knock the wind out of you. I’ve been there, too.

But here’s the truth: these “firsts” can also be fresh starts. They’re your chance to show up as who you are now, and who you’re becoming.

Reframing the Meaning of “Firsts”

When you look at these occasions as markers of loss, they’ll feel heavy. But when you choose to see them as new opportunities, to practice being you again, to rediscover what feels right, it opens space for growth. You get to decide what these days mean moving forward.

Love doesn’t disappear because something ended. It starts from within you and expands outward again in new ways, toward your kids, your friends, your future, and yourself.

So instead of asking, “How do I get through this?”, try asking, “How do I want to show up for myself today? Or, “Is there a new ritual I can create - or a new habit I can build here?”

More Just for You >Top Three Questions I Get About the Holidays After Divorce

Prepare Before the Gathering

If you’re attending a family event, birthday party, or holiday gathering, take a few minutes to prepare. People often mean well but can say things that sting; asking about your ex, offering “helpful” advice that isn’t so helpful, or making assumptions. News Flash—it usually doesn’t land well 🤣

Having a few prepared responses ready can be a lifesaver. Whether it’s a polite boundary or a quick change of subject, it helps you stay calm and in control. I created scripts for this exact reason—so you’re more confident and prepared to navigate these tough conversations. You can find these for free inside the ‘classroom’ tab on my online community!

Find an Ally in the Room

If someone you trust will also be there, talk with them ahead of time. Let them know how you’re feeling and what kind of support would help. Having even one person who gets it can make a big difference.

Maybe they can help change the subject if a conversation turns uncomfortable, or gently pull you away if a family member brings up something you’d rather not discuss. Sometimes that behind-the-scenes teamwork helps you feel safer and more grounded than going it alone. (And honestly, it’s nice not to have to be the only adult in the room managing emotions for once.)

Getting Neutral Guidance

Friends and family usually mean well, but their opinions often come with emotional weight and bias. A neutral third party, like a coach or therapist, can help you process your feelings and create a plan that’s rooted in your best interests, not someone else’s idea of what’s best.

You don’t have to go through these “firsts” without support. Having guidance, structure, and emotional tools can help you show up as the calm, confident version of yourself that you’re working toward.

Start Where You Are

You don’t need to make the day perfect. You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to start.

Remind yourself that these moments after divorce aren’t about “getting it right.” They’re about building the new version of your life, one where you feel grounded in who you are, proud of your resilience, and open to what comes next.

You can do this, one “first” at a time. 💛