Finding Gratitude and the Rule of Thirds | Divorce Support

Thoughts on balance, aging, and gratitude this Thanksgiving

I’m writing this post from a waiting room while my dad is having surgery. Hopefully, it will be smooth and successful, but I’m obviously nervous. My dad is amazing—80 years old and still playing golf several times a week, driving to Arizona and back, where he and my stepmom spend half the year, and keeping up a full social life with friends. One of the many things I’m grateful for right now is that he gets to live a post-retirement life he loves.

We’ve had to work a little harder this year to stay focused on gratitude as he and others in our family have faced some medical challenges. As my dad often says, “Aging ain’t for the faint of heart.” He’s right, of course—and knowing that helps us keep perspective and prepare for the inevitable challenges ahead.

Recently, I listened to a Mel Robbins podcast with guest Emma Grede—one of the most successful self-made businesswomen in the world. She’s the founding partner of SKIMS, co-founder and CEO of Good American, and host of Aspire with Emma Grede. She shared something that’s really stuck with me: her “Rule of Thirds.”

“You’re going to be happy about a third of the time. Another third will be ‘kind of alright.’ And the final third, you’ll feel terrible.”

She explains that in today’s world—where we’re conditioned to think life should look like an endless Instagram reel—we forget that we shouldn’t expect to feel good all the time. It’s not realistic. Acceptance, she says, is key: when we can accept wherever we are, we remember that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be. If you go off-track, that’s okay—things will shift. And if you’re “on fire,” stay humble, because that will shift too.

“It’s an important way to keep yourself in balance,” she adds. And one more tough pill to swallow—these thirds aren’t short-term. Fluctuations happen across years or even decades and accepting that a longer horizon is part of the process.

I know firsthand how hard it can be to accept that the painful phases may last longer than you’d like. When I got divorced, I remember people telling me, “In a couple of years, you’ll look back on all of this with a totally different perspective.” Ummm, maybe—but could someone please tell me how to get through today first?

So how do you find gratitude during stressful times? The best way I’ve found is to take it one day, one event, one conversation at a time. What can you be grateful for right now, in this moment? Maybe it’s the chance to sit quietly and breathe for five minutes. The cup of coffee in your hand. The fresh air that lets you reset.

Whatever it is, what matters most is that your mindset is shifting. You’re actively looking for what’s right instead of fixating on what’s wrong—and that shift changes everything.

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In the spirit of Thanksgiving and perspective, here are a few things I’m most grateful for right now:

• My young adult children call me just to say hello. Okay, maybe they’re really checking on the dog—but I’ll take it. The evolution of our relationship is one of my greatest joys.
• My amazing partner, Lee. We often say we wouldn’t have been compatible if we’d met when we were younger. The wisdom we’ve gained through life, including our divorces, helps us stay present, calm, and grateful.
• The work I’m doing. I found it later in my career, but it’s exactly what I am meant to do. Every detour and setback taught me something that now helps me guide others through theirs.
• Dear friends. You know who you are and how much I love you. At this point, I’ve known you longer than I haven’t.
• The mountains. They’re where I decompress and recharge. One of my favorite moments on the drive is cresting the hill on I-70 into the valley where the bison herd grazes. Seeing them—so close to Denver, calm and steady—always makes me pause. They’re a quiet reminder to slow down and take in what’s right in front of me.
• My Peloton. This one might sound trivial, but it’s become part of my gratitude practice. Robin Arzón often says, “We get to do this today. There may come a time when our bodies don’t let us—but today is not that day.” That reminder grounds me every time.

I could list a hundred more: coffee with half-and-half, hot showers, soft sweatpants, almost any kind of dessert—and importantly, that my dad is now out of surgery, home, recovering well, and already planning his next adventure. Phew.

For those of you struggling right now, I get it. My hope for you is that you remember: you’re stronger than you think. And if you can’t quite feel that strength today, you’re welcome to borrow some of mine. I know something amazing is waiting for you.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends.