Dating Post-Divorce? How Do I Focus on Finding the Right Partner This Time?

Create the 100 List

Ask anyone going through a divorce about their greatest fear, and you’ll often hear:“I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.”

That was one of the scariest parts for me, too. After 20 years of marriage, I hadn’t been on a date since I was 18. At 47, I hardly felt like the best version of myself, and the idea of “getting out there” was terrifying.

True story: Friends finally convinced me to join a couple of dating apps (that’s a story in itself! 🤦🏻‍♀️). I went on a first date with someone I’d rate a solid 6/10—for me. The whole thing was so overwhelming and felt so wrong that I drove straight home, deleted the apps, and decided to wait a few more months before trying again.

When I shared my “failed first date” with a dear friend, she passed along a dating hack I’ve found incredibly useful:The 100 List.

What’s that?It’s a list of 100 attributes that are important to you in your next partner.

“I’m seriously supposed to come up with 100?” I asked. Yes, she said—as many as possible, more if you can.

Honestly, I didn’t hit 100. But I made it to nearly 50, and I’m not kidding when I say my partner now checks almost every single box. (I’ve let him off the hook for doing yoga with me—he has a back injury.)

Why the List Matters

When you start dating again, one of the most important things you can do is get clear on what you want. Are you keeping it light and just meeting people? Or are you actively looking for a relationship? Have you thought about how you’ll talk about your divorce?

There’s no wrong answer—but dating becomes so much more manageable when you’ve thought through these things ahead of time.

That’s where your 100 List comes in. You get to define what really matters to you—everything from:

• Wants to travel
• Sleeps with the windows open
• Has (or wants) a dog
• Enjoys hiking and reading
• Has kids around the same age as yours

Sure, “tall, dark, and handsome” might make the list—but digging into the qualities that actually create a meaningful connection can make all the difference.

Your Time Is Valuable, Use It Wisely

The beauty of your 100 List is that it helps you recognize alignment—and filter out what’s not. You’ll save time and energy by focusing on connections that truly match your values and desires.

That said—no judgment if you decide to go out with someone who doesn’t meet every criterion. Just be intentional about why you’re going. You get to make the rules. You do you.

Non-Negotiables and Flexibility

How many boxes does someone have to check to “make the cut”?

That’s up to you. I went on more than one date with people who probably shouldn’t have made it past the first swipe. But that helped me refine my list—and my boundaries.

Here’s what helped:

• Identify your non-negotiables
• Define your deal-breakers
• Know where you’re willing to be flexible

You might even organize your list into tiers of priority. The clarity it brings is worth it.

Get Intentional About Your Future

What I love most about the 100 List is that it invites you to pause and reflect:What do I want in this next chapter?

If the perfect partner walked through the door, how would they talk? What would they value? How would they show up for you?

Write it all down.And remember—they might be out there envisioning you, too.

Resource SpotlightThis week’s featured resource is a video series called Dating After Divorce, created by life and relationship coach Laurie Gerber. Her four short, powerful videos are packed with insight and encouragement as you re-enter the dating world.