Divorce and Redefining Freedom

What if independence isn’t about being alone but about being aligned with yourself?

Every July 4th, we celebrate independence and freedom. If you're going through a divorce or still healing from one, those words might land a little differently.

Because what no one tells you is that freedom, when it first shows up after divorce, doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like freedom - it feels lonely and oppressive: a silent house, a night you didn’t choose to spend alone, or a Google calendar that looks nothing like the life you thought you’d be living.

But embracing your freedom after divorce is not one big, bold moment. It’s often slow, small changes that add up.

It’s not only about signing the papers or changing your last name, though those are important milestones! It’s about reclaiming the parts of yourself that got buried under years of compromise, caretaking, or conflict.

It’s about asking: Who am I now, when no one else is scripting my next move? What do I want my life to look like in this next phase?

What Freedom Actually Looks Like After Divorce

Real freedom might look less like a single celebration, and more like:

• Saying no without apologizing
• Decorating your space the way you like it
• Rebuilding your finances on your terms
• Exploring your sexuality, your spirituality, your voice without a filter
• Feeling your feelings, even the messy ones, without shoving them down to keep the peace

You don’t have to have it all figured out. When you keep choosing yourself in small, honest ways, and acknowledging those wins!, that is progress.

Choosing Yourself Without Guilt

For many of us freedom can feel unfamiliar and possibly even selfish. Our relationship may have taught us to be accommodating and keep things smooth, which likely meant prioritizing others’ comfort ahead of our own.

But here’s the reminder I give to my clients (and often, to myself): freedom doesn’t mean abandoning others. It means not abandoning yourself.

Freedom Doesn’t Erase Grief

Let’s not sugarcoat it, freedom can also feel like loss, grief and guilt. Maybe you’re missing your kids on the 4th of July this year. Maybe you’re mourning the family traditions that used to anchor you. Maybe part of you still wishes things had gone differently.

That’s not a weakness. That’s just being human. Freedom and grief can live side by side. They often do.

Claiming a New Kind of Independence

You don’t have to wait until you “feel ready” to start redefining freedom. You get to do it right now, even in the middle of the mess. Start with this question:

“What kind of life feels free not just from someone else, but free to be fully myself?”

Maybe that means less people-pleasing, more boundaries, less explaining. More space to rest. More room to dream.

This July 4th, you might not feel like celebrating. That’s okay. But if you’re here asking hard questions, showing up for your own healing, you’re already doing something worth honoring.

You’re reclaiming yourself. That’s freedom.