Does My Divorce Attorney Like Me?

Does It Matter?

Choosing an attorney for your divorce is an important decision. You want someone who understands your situation, shares your values, hears you, and offers clear guidance and strategic support during one of the most vulnerable seasons of your life.

As you interview attorneys, you’ll likely focus on practical and necessary questions:

• Have they handled cases like yours?
  
  
• Are there custody concerns, complex financial issues, business valuations, trusts, real estate, or safety concerns?
  
  
• Do they work collaboratively, or are they primarily litigators?
  
  
• Do their communication style and philosophy align with what you need right now?
  
  

These are all smart and important considerations.

But there’s another question I hear all the time — one that often surprises attorneys when I mention it:

“Does my attorney like me?”

It’s an understandable question. And it’s also one that, legally speaking, doesn’t actually matter.

Why This Question Comes Up So Often

This question usually isn’t about the attorney at all.

It comes from how exposed, overwhelmed, and depleted you may already be feeling. Divorce has a way of stripping away confidence and certainty, even for people who are otherwise capable and grounded. When you’re relying on someone to guide you through unfamiliar territory — legal, financial, and emotional — it’s natural to worry about how you’re being perceived.

If your attorney doesn’t like you, will they care less?
Will they fight as hard?
Will they be annoyed by your questions, your emotions, your uncertainty?

Underneath this question is often a deeper fear: “If I’m too much, will my concerns be taken less seriously — or not fully protected — when it matters most?”  That fear makes sense. And it deserves compassion.

The Part That May Surprise You

Here’s the reality most people don’t hear clearly enough:

Your attorney does not need to like you to do an excellent job for you.

Attorneys have a legal and ethical obligation to represent you competently and zealously. Their responsibility is to advocate for your interests, advise you based on the law, and guide you through the process — not to assess your likability.

And in practice? Most attorneys do like their clients. They care deeply about helping people through difficult moments. But even on the hardest days — when emotions are high, decisions feel stuck, or communication feels strained — your attorney’s professionalism and advocacy do not depend on whether you’re having a “good client” day.

Your case doesn’t rise or fall on personal approval.

What Actually Does Matter

Rather than worrying about whether your attorney likes you, it’s far more helpful to ask questions like:

• Do I feel safe asking questions, even when I’m unsure or emotional?
  
  
• Does my attorney communicate clearly and set realistic expectations?
  
  
• Do I understand their role — and what’s outside their role?
  
  
• Am I using my attorney for legal strategy, or for emotional reassurance they’re not trained to provide?

When clients start to feel concerned about being liked, it’s often a signal that they need more emotional support than the legal process alone can offer.

And that’s not a weakness — it’s human.

A Healthier Reframe

Instead of asking, “Does my attorney like me?”
Try asking:

• “Do I trust my attorney to do their job well?”
  
  
• “Do I feel informed, respected, and supported in the ways that matter?”
  
  

Divorce works best when everyone is allowed to stay in their lane. Attorneys handle the legal complexities. Coaches, therapists, and trusted supports help you manage the emotional load so you can show up calmer, clearer, and more confident in your legal decisions.

A Final Thought

If you’ve caught yourself worrying about whether your attorney likes you, pause and be gentle with yourself. That question isn’t a flaw — it’s a reflection of how much this transition matters to you.

You don’t need to be liked to be well-represented.
You don’t need to be perfect to deserve strong advocacy.
And needing reassurance during divorce doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

Sometimes, this question is simply an invitation to build a stronger support system — one that allows your attorney to do their best work, while you take care of you.

And for many people, that shift becomes the moment they start prioritizing what truly matters, finding their own voice, and clearly articulating their needs — both inside the legal process and beyond it.