Five Questions I Get All the Time (That You’re Probably Asking Too)

If you’re at the beginning of divorce—or somewhere in the thick of it—you’ve probably asked yourself at least one of these questions already:

1. Where should I start?
   
   
2. Am I doing the right thing?
   
   
3. Why does this take so long?
   
   
4. Is this ____________ (part of the process) normal?
   
   
5. Will I ever feel like myself again?
   
   

Divorce can feel incredibly isolating. Even when you’re surrounded by people, it’s easy to feel cut off, unsure, and alone with your thoughts. My hope is that seeing these questions written out helps you breathe a little easier. Others have been right where you are. Others have felt just as overwhelmed, uncertain, and disconnected—and they’ve made it through.

The answers below aren’t meant to fix everything. They’re meant to help you reset, focus forward, and treat yourself with a little more kindness as you move through a hard season.

1. Where should I start?

At the beginning, everything can feel like a 12 on a scale of 1–10. The emotional weight, the logistics, the decisions—it can be so overwhelming that you freeze or shut down altogether. That reaction makes complete sense.

This is exactly why I created the First Steps Checklist. It’s a simple list of ten things to focus on as you begin, so you don’t have to figure it all out at once—or alone. One step at a time is more than enough right now. You can download it for free here.

2. Am I doing the right thing?

This is one of the hardest questions, and the truth is: only you can fully answer it.

What I can offer is this perspective—when you start changing long-standing patterns, especially patterns where you’ve put yourself last, it often rocks the boat. Choosing to take care of yourself may feel unfamiliar. It may also unsettle people around you. You might get pushback. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re wrong.

Try coming back to what motivated you to make this decision in the first place. What mattered enough to bring you here? Is that reason still important to you? Trust yourself. You are almost certainly stronger and more capable than you realize.

3. Why does the process take so long?

No one has ever said, “Wow, that went so quickly—what a great process,” about divorce.

Courts are backlogged. Attorneys and other professionals are busy. Timelines stretch far longer than anyone wants. While you can’t control most of that, there may be small ways to make things easier. If it’s possible to communicate productively with your soon-to-be ex—even about just one or two issues—it can reduce stress, time, and cost.

Focus on what is within your control, and aim to show up as your best self one day at a time. That effort adds up.

More > The Question I Get Asked Most

4. Is this part normal?

Whether the blank is filled in with brain fog, exhaustion, sudden tears, confusion, shock, grief, or overwhelm—yes. Chances are very good that others have felt exactly what you’re feeling now.

The comfort in that isn’t that it’s easy, but that it’s survivable. People have been here before you. They’ve found steadier ground. You will too. Even on the days it doesn’t feel like it, you are doing better than you think.

5. Will I ever feel like myself again?

Yes. Truly—yes.

In time, many people don’t just return to themselves; they discover a stronger, clearer version than they imagined possible. You don’t have to see the whole future yet. Just consider this: could you give yourself five quiet minutes a day to imagine a life you’d love?

What does an ordinary good day look like? Who’s around you? How do you feel when you wake up?

If that kind of reflection feels supportive, you might like the free workbook I created to help you set goals and get clearer about what you want your future to hold. You can download it here.

What’s Coming Soon to > Better Than Before Divorce

A Final Thought

If divorce feels like it’s asking too much of you right now, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It reflects how much you’re carrying right now. You don’t need all the answers today, and you don’t need to feel confident or certain to keep moving forward. Small steps, honest reflection, and compassion for yourself will carry you farther than you expect.

You are not alone in this, even when it feels that way. And this chapter—however heavy it is—is not the end of your story. It may even be the beginning of something better than you can imagine today.