How to Start Feeling Like Yourself Again During Divorce

Divorce has a way of making everything feel… off.You look in the mirror and think, Who even is that? You go through your day on autopilot, doing what needs to be done, but somewhere along the way you may have stopped feeling like you.And it makes sense. When your world gets upended and you’re managing stress, grief, and a million logistics, it’s easy to lose track of the person inside all that.But as someone who went through this and frankly, felt tired, old and frumpy, I know how recharging it can be to feel good.

Why How You Feel Matters More Than How You LookThis isn’t about appearances for anyone else’s sake. It’s about reconnecting with you.Taking care of your appearance—whatever that means to you right now—isn’t vanity. It’s a way to signal to yourself: I’m still here. I’m willing to invest in myself.That might mean putting on a real outfit instead of sweats. Or maybe it’s washing your hair, wearing earrings again, or scheduling the check-up you’ve been putting off.

Ask Yourself: What Helps Me Feel Like Me?Everyone’s version of “feeling like myself” looks different. For some, it’s mascara and a clean kitchen counter. For others, it’s a morning walk and a sweater that fits just right. There’s no right answer—but there is value in asking the question.Try these:Do I feel like myself when I get dressed?

When was the last time I wore something that made me feel like me—strong, comfortable, confident?

What small thing could I do this week to feel more present in my body?

These aren’t shallow questions and they aren’t for anyone else’s approval. You’re asking because feeling good in your skin can help you hold up under pressure—and stay grounded in a time that feels so unpredictable.

Start Where You Are, Not Where You “Should” BeThere’s no pressure to reinvent yourself, and no “post-divorce glow-up” is required. Can you start small, from where you are?Replace that pair of jeans you always tug at.

Make the haircut appointment you keep rescheduling.

Pull out a jacket you used to love—or donate it if it no longer feels like you.

Small, doable steps. Not to impress anyone, but to show up for yourself.

This Isn’t About Pretending. It’s About Presence.You can be in the middle of heartbreak and still want to feel pulled-together.You can be figuring things out and still choose to care for your appearance.You don’t owe anyone an explanation.Taking time for yourself - whether it’s ten minutes to moisturize your face or a full afternoon to shop for something that feels special, isn’t a performance, it’s an act of resilience.

You’re Allowed to ChangeDivorce often comes with a shift in identity. The clothes that used to feel like “you” might not anymore. So go ahead and try a different shade of lipstick, and give away that old blazer that feels like your past life. This is your chance to figure out what feels true to the person you’re becoming—not just the one you’ve been.

You Deserve to Feel Like Yourself AgainTaking care of how you look is just one way to say:I still get to feel good.I still get to be me.Even while I’m going through this.And if you’ve forgotten what that feels like? That’s okay. You get to remember. 💝

Special note: In the resource section below I share information about a dear friend, fellow divorcee and queen of style, who helped me navigate the “new me.” She’s located here in Denver but helps people all over the country who want help for a particular event or a big transition. She’s amazing.