Have You Set Goals for Your Divorce?

Have you set goals for your divorce? (Don’t worry - I assume “Get it the hell over with,” is already on the list! 🤣)

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while (I’m so glad you’re here!), you know the tools I share are all designed to help you engage your strengths so you can confidently navigate divorce and move toward a life you’ll love. Over and over, I see how much easier it is for anyone mired in “must-do’s” to get through them when they see a light at the end of the road – even if it’s not very bright yet.

How do you focus forward when everything feels so overwhelming? Two tools.

The first is your divorce mission statement, which I wrote about last week. If you haven’t read that yet, check it out. It’s a great compliment to this step. Both goal setting and a mission statement can seem like “extras” when time and energy are in short supply, but I see both exercises as foundational tools in your recovery. They’re so useful that creating a divorce-specific mission statement and goals are two of the first things I like to do when I start working with someone new.

Why?

Because just like work goals, divorce goals help keep you accountable, focused, and can motivate you to make good choices, find optimism, and shift your perspective. Once you’ve created your mission statement you can use it as the foundation from which you create three to five specific, divorce-related goals that you write down and consistently refer to.

To create meaningful goals, have your mission statement handy if you have one, and start with these questions:

• How do you want to feel when you look back on this time?
• How will your actions during this time inspire others?
• How do you want to model dealing with difficult times for your children and others?
• Who are you when you are at your best?
• What is a bigger purpose you can see for yourself?
• What values are important to you and guide your choices?
• As you look ahead to the next chapter, what have you learned about yourself from this experience?

Give yourself the time and space to write them down and think about what feels most important and authentic to your situation. As a Forbes article about the neuroscience of goals notes,

“Writing things down doesn’t just help you remember, it makes your mind more efficient by helping you focus on the truly important stuff. And your goals absolutely should qualify as truly important stuff.”

Once you’ve got goals that feel right, put them to the test! When you have a big decision to make, evaluate your choices using your goals. What will help you get there? Are there other choices you can make that might create a different / better / more fulfilling outcome?

Here are a few sample goals clients and I have created. Use them if you like or build on them to write new ones!

• Establish a healthy co-parenting relationship with my ex
• Be present and available to my children
• Take the high road in all communication about the divorce
• Don’t badmouth my ex to our children
• Create healthy boundaries
• Be an active listener
• Speak up for myself
• Reengage in an old hobby, or pursue a new interest

Finally, think about how you’ll hold yourself accountable. Don’t overlook this important step, as it will help you get from aspiration to action. Here are a few examples you’re welcome to borrow.

• Use a coparenting app to minimize confrontational interactions
• Create messages to share with friends and family
• Create a mantra to remind me of my strengths
• Ask for support to meet my divorce goals
• Reduce stressors in my life where possible, including go on a walk or get some form of exercise every day
• Keep a journal
• Others?

Finally, give yourself grace as you work toward these goals. You’ll make mistakes along the way but that, too, is part of the process. Remember that you deserve a life you love. You CAN be BETTER on the other side.

👉🏽 BTW, you don’t have to do it all alone! If you want a jumpstart to get unstuck and create a personalized plan, including your mission and goals, book a #DivorceGoals session: a single, one-on-one 90-minute power session to help navigate this time with confidence and clarity. 💪🏼 💝