Helping Your Kids Adjust to Two Homes

Adjusting to life in two homes is almost always a big shift for children. Even when both households are loving and supportive, moving back and forth can stir up mixed feelings, and emotions often run high. Kids of all ages often need a little extra reassurance, predictability, and a steady presence to help them feel grounded during transitions.

Here are a few gentle ways you can support them as they learn to feel at home in both places.
‍

Create Predictable Routines

Like many of us, kids feel safer when they know what to expect. Talk through the schedule with them in age appropriate language so they understand when they’ll be at each home. 

Using a shared family calendar*, paper or digital, can help them see the plan and refer back to it whenever they need, instead of holding it all in their minds. This is especially helpful during vacations or holiday celebrations when the usual routine may shift more than usual.

Predictability will give them a sense of stability, especially during times of change.

Scroll below for a recommended family calendar app*
‍

Keep Essentials in Both Homes

Having the basics in both parents’ homes helps reduce stress for both you and your kids. Stock each home with pajamas, toiletries, favorite snacks, and other daily comforts so nothing feels unfamiliar or missing. Some parents will buy two of each essential item so they can always have the same familiar item in both homes without having to bring it back and forth.

For more sentimental items like a favorite stuffed animal or a favorite blanket, you can create a system to make sure they don’t get left behind, such as a small travel bag or a checklist to make transitions easier.
‍

More Just for You > How To Talk To Your Kids About Holiday Changes
‍

Give Them Room to Share Their Feelings

One of the best things you can do is encourage kids to speak openly about what feels hard, confusing, or sad. Let them know those feelings are normal and welcome. Listening without rushing to solve everything builds trust.

Simple reassurance like, “It’s okay to feel that way,” help them feel seen and supported.
‍

Don’t Badmouth the Other Parent

We know children absorb more than we realize. Giving your child a safe place to express whatever they feel - including love for their other parent - is truly a gift to them (and you!). Can you make a commitment to yourself not to say anything negative about the other parent or their household? It may be the most important gift for your child during this process. 

And never ask your child to pass along messages or report back on the other home. Kids need space to be children, not mediators.
‍

Give Them Ownership of Their Space

Small choices help kids feel settled in both homes. Let them pick their snacks, choose the décor or bedding for their room, or help shape a few routines that belong to your time together.

Giving them some control over these choices shows them both homes are truly theirs.
‍

Allow Time to Decompress After Each Transition

When they arrive from the other parent’s home, let them settle in before jumping into questions, chores, or plans. They may need a quiet moment or a familiar activity to shift gears.

A gentle transition sets the tone for the rest of their time with you.
‍

More on Co-Parenting > 5 Steps to Stay Sane When Co-Parenting Styles Clash
‍

Remind Them They Are Loved

Children need to hear that they are cared for in both homes and that none of the changes are their fault. Repeat it often, even if they don’t ask. Kids sometimes hold worries quietly, and gentle reminders help ease the weight they’re carrying. Reassurance becomes a steady anchor even if they don’t realize they need it. 
‍

Moving Forward Together

Adjusting to two homes takes time, and every child finds their rhythm at a different pace. With steadiness, predictable routines, and room for honest feelings, they can build comfort and belonging in both places.

Your calm presence helps them feel safe in theirs. 💛