Lessons From a Weekend as an Ironman Spectator

I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived in Lake Placid, NY last weekend alongside 2,800+ Ironman athletes and their supporters. For those unfamiliar, an Ironman is a long-distance triathlon: a 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride, and a 26.2-mile run for a total of 140.6 miles. In one day. For most of us, that’s batshit crazy. But for my son and the other competitors, it’s the kind of elite endurance challenge that makes all the sacrifice worth it.

And let me be clear, there’s a lot of effort, expense, and commitment required for this race.

So how is this relevant to a divorce blog?

Because I spent the weekend with my ex-husband, my partner, our daughter, and her boyfriend. We were all there with the same goal: to support Max as he competed in his first Ironman. (And by the way, he crushed it, finishing in 13:05 even with a wild rainstorm during the bike leg.)

On the plane ride home, I found myself reflecting on a few things:

• Coparenting is a long game. The dynamics shift when kids go off to college or graduate, but there will always be life events that bring parents back together. The effort you make now pays off in unexpected ways. Max’s face lit up every time he saw us out there cheering. It mattered that we were all there.
• Time and perspective are gifts. My ex and I have been divorced nearly ten years, and I’m grateful that we’ve worked to stay kind and put our kids first. I know that’s not possible in every situation, but I also gently challenge you to ask: Can I do better? Waiting for the other person to go first just keeps the cycle going. I got into this work because I know how hard it is to make good choices when you’re depleted. But I promise, this pain won’t last forever. The small wins matter. And you are stronger than you think.
• Find gratitude, even in complex moments. I loved being part of the support crew. I was so grateful that my daughter and her boyfriend, my ex and my partner all chose to show up fully and enjoy the event. A lot could’ve gone wrong in that mix, but nothing did. And that wasn’t luck. It was intention.
• We weren’t meant to be married, but I wouldn't change a thing. I have my kids because of that relationship. He’s a great dad who loves them as fiercely as I do. We may approach parenting differently, but I trust his commitment to them. We don’t talk often these days but seeing him with our kids this weekend was a powerful reminder: we still share the same #1 priority.

None of us swam, biked, or ran, but our step counters told us we walked over 29 miles across four days! I have a new respect for the families of endurance athletes. It might be one person racing, but it really is a team effort.

One last thing: Max didn’t grow up athletic. He was the kid building with Legos and memorizing digits of Pi for fun. None of us would’ve guessed he’d grow into someone who runs marathons and finishes an Ironman. But during Covid he started running and kept going, even though we practically had to carry him to the car after his first marathon!

We were all in tears as we watched him cross the finish line in Lake Placid and receive that Ironman medal.

I came home inspired, not to sign up for an Ironman😅 but to keep doing this work. Because it matters. And I hope it inspires you too, wherever you are in your journey.

Keep going. Keep the finish line in sight. 💪🏼 💝

(And, if you’re interested in Max’s reflections on the race, he put together 13 Lessons from 13 Hours (and five minutes), here (which, by the way, was his finishing time).