OK, it’s January and you’re starting the divorce process. What’s next?

If you’ve been holding on, waiting until the new year to start the divorce process, you’re not alone. Whether you made the decision recently or knew it was coming and waited out the holiday season, the steps you’ll take are the same. In addition to the “must-do’s” (download my Start Here checklist) following are three impactful but less talked about tips to help you navigate the early days of this important decision.

First, get on the same page with your spouse about how you’ll share the news and what you’ll say. This will reduce confusion and set the tone you want right from the beginning.

• If you have kids, prioritize this discussion by getting specific about what you’ll say to them, when and where. Make the conversation about their needs: take the high road about the other parent, actively listen and reassure them that you are the adult and you’ll be ok! (For a comprehensive guide to supporting your kids with loving, age-appropriate messages, including scripts and strategies, click here.)
• Who else do you need to update?Intentional messages will help you feel prepared for the inevitable: questions about why, what’s next, and what happened. Ask yourself who you need to share the news with directly and who can get it from a designated friend or family member. Prioritize your own wellbeing as you decide! It’s ok for others to help you update those in your life. (For help creating those messages download my free workbook here.)

Think about your goals for the divorce. It isn’t about “winning,” it’s about choosing the values you’ll rely on during this process.

• How do you want to show up so you can look back on this time and feel good about your choices?
• What values will guide you?
• What do you anticipate being most difficult, and are there steps can you take to make this aspect of the process easier? (Hint: there probably are! Need help finding resources, or want more information about goals? Start here and check out this blog post from 2024 on setting goals.)

Start the process with a divorce mission statement.

What’s that? A divorce mission statement will help you identify your strengths, reflect on your values and get clear about how you want to show up during this difficult transition. I have a blog post about it here and you can download my free workbook for a template to get you started as well. Sometimes just the process of creating your statement can help you improve your perspective and feel more optimistic about the future.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, can you commit to being kinder to yourself as you go through this challenging time? Talk to yourself like you would talk to a best friend! Divorce is almost always stressful and overwhelming so give yourself grace as you make tough decisions and adjust.

As Piglet told Pooh, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” 💝

Sending you love and strength as you begin your journey.