It's Time to Let Go of the Pressure You Put on Yourself

Divorce can stir up more than legal stress—it can unearth years of quiet self pressure that may sound like, Do more. Be more. Keep it all together, no matter how you’re doing inside.

Maybe you’re still saying yes when you’re barely staying afloat.Maybe you’re apologizing for having needs.Maybe you’re keeping ties with people who stopped showing up long ago.

This is your invitation to release some of that weight, not because you’re giving up, but because you’re ready to give yourself the same care you’ve been giving everyone else.

Swap Shame for Self-Understanding

Self-shame can be sneaky. It sounds like, Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I handle that better? What’s wrong with me?

But you made the best choices you could with what you knew at the time. That’s not weakness—it’s humanness. (For more on this topic check out my July 15 blog on Regret After Divorce).

Try replacing self-blame with a more useful question:What did I learn?What do I want to do differently now? That’s how healing begins—through insight, not punishment.

Reclaim Your Voice from the Habit of Apologizing

“I’m sorry” can become a reflex. Sorry for being late. Sorry for taking up space. Sorry for not being everything to everyone.

Try shifting the language: “Thanks for your patience.” “I appreciate your flexibility.” “This is important to me, and I needed a little more time.”

You’re not too much. You’re not a burden. You’re a deserving human being navigating something hard.

Notice What Feels One-Sided

If you’re the one always initiating, checking in, and making the effort, it’s worth pausing. Some relationships feel more like a responsibility than a connection. As Mel Robbins notes in Let Them, chasing people to prove your worth doesn’t work. Reserve your energy for people who show up for you as well..

Give Yourself Permission to Pause Before Saying Yes

When you’re used to being the reliable one, it can feel easier to say yes than to pause and check in with yourself, because that yes can also come at the cost of your time, bandwidth, and peace.

Can you try, “let me think about it” or “I’ll get back to you?” Even a short pause can lead to more intentional choices.

Redefine What Being “Productive” Means

You don’t have to stay busy to be valuable. IIf overworking has become your way of coping, take a breath. Engagement is different from overdrive.

Rest isn’t laziness. It’s a reset. And it might be the most productive thing you do all week.

Soften the Grip on What You “Should” Have Done

It’s easy to replay old choices with sharper hindsight.But rewriting the past doesn’t change it, and it rarely helps us move forward.

Ask instead:What do I know now that I didn’t know then?How does this experience shape what I choose next?

That’s how regret becomes wisdom.

What to Lean Into Right Now:

• Self-compassion. Talk to yourself like someone who matters—because you do.
• Relationships that feel mutual. Energy exchange matters. Water the ones that water you back.
• Boundaries that protect your peace. A clear no creates space for a real yes. (For more on boundaries check out this blog post all about how to set and maintain them).
• Micro-wins. Finished the paperwork? Got through a hard conversation? That’s a win. Recognize it and take a moment to figure out how you did it so it’s repeatable.
• Support that uplifts. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, or a trusted friend, surround yourself with people who remind you that you’re not alone in this.

You don’t have to hold it all.You don’t have to keep proving your strength by how much you can carry.You’re allowed to move through this at your own pace—with intention, with softness, and without apology.

That’s not giving up.That’s choosing yourself.